you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
this hospital has no fireball
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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