News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
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