put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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