names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
