Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
