It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
is that a dick in a sweater?
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Randomize
