I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
