where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I think pants incapable of making pants work
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
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