WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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