Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I haven't been this sober since birth.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize
