Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
