I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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