dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize