a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
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So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
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Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
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