I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I'm at about main and main street
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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