those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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