i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
