New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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