Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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