After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
