She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
