Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
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