im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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