just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
