your room smells of hookers.
And success
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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