he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
