I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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