I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
another moral hangover. fuck.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
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