do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
