If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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