hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
