I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
