Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
