drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
