you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
How does it feel to date your dad?
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