Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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