I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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