you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
