your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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