maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
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