My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
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