I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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