xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I came so hard my ears popped.
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