yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
