if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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