Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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