i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
my liver is dry heaving
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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