hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Randomize
