I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
