I have demons in me.
I've blown a few things in my day
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
