Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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