Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
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