he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
