honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
