Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Randomize
