I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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