my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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