Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
smell my finger.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
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