God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Just puked most of my soul out..
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
