$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
