so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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