we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I came so hard my ears popped.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
