I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
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