Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I can't put those talents on a resume
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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