Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
