come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
