Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Randomize
