I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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