I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize