I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
You dont lie about slip and slides
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
