Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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