What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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