I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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