Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
This is classic penis vs brain.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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